


You left me

by JuggieMccall



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuggieMccall/pseuds/JuggieMccall
Summary: Please be cautious!May be triggering!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please be cautious!  
> May be triggering!

The bitter-sweet taste of nicotine slowly controlled my mouth, drawing me in for another drag. I put my pale, chapped lips around the end of the slightly burnt cigarette and took a long pull of it. As the toxic smoke filled my mouth and slowly leaked into my lungs, I flicked the end of the cigarette, getting rid of the ash that had built up.I picked up my lighter and the now empty cigarette pack and got up off of the muddy lacrosse field, brushing off dirt and discarded ash from my pants. Dropping the half-finished cigarette and stepping on it to put out the flame, I thought about you.

You always hated cigarettes, always saying how you had to grow up with smoke filling your house nearly every day. But it wasn't the smell that put you off them - you actually found the smell of smoke calming - it was the moment you discovered that your mum was diagnosed with lung cancer when you were 8. You didn't really understand what had happened, your dad just told you that it was the sticks that Mummy would have that made her sick. You didn't know what the sickness was or what the sticks were until you had to do an assignment on them in Year 5. You broke down during your presentation on them, and that was the first time we properly spoke.

FLASHBACK

You ran out the class and I was sent to find you. The way I found you, oh god how it was horrible. You were in the bathroom, sitting on the floor with your heads in your hands, heartbreaking sobs ringing throughout the bathroom. I quietly called out your name, hoping not to scare you. You lifted your head out of your hands, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes and tear stains on your young face. You didn't say anything, just kept staring. I don't know what came over me, but I quickly leant down and placed my hand on your shoulder.

"Are you alright? Do you want to talk about anything?" I asked you honestly, but again, you didn't say anything. You did something really surprising. You broke out into another sob before leaning forward and hugging me. My hoodie slowly became wet, but I didn't really care. All I cared about was you being okay. 

FLASHBACK OVER

I stared at the school lacrosse bench as I thought about our first encounter. I slowly made my way over to the benches, tears falling freely from my eyes, my cries getting heavier with each step. I barely made it to the bench before my knees gave out and I let out an ugly sob. Gasps racked my body as I sat down. I slowly calmed down and resorted to pulling my legs up on the bench, curling in on myself.God, I'm so pathetic. It's been a year since you died. An entire fucking year, and I still cry like that.

Looking at my phone after sitting in self-loathing for a while, the time read 1:00 AM. Shit, I've been out here for 3 hours. I need to be getting home, but I couldn't bring myself to get up. I finally got my body to move and started walking back to my car in the carpark. I kept my gaze on the ground, watching my feet as I walked. I was always mesmerised with the sound of shoes on gravel.  
I looked up as I came near an overly familiar spot. It was a little gap in-between the benches and the gate. That was where we had our first kiss.

FLASHBACK 

I was standing with my back against the gate, silently watching you play lacrosse. You never were the best, but you were still better than what everyone gave you credit for. I watched your face light up as you saw me. God, how did I get this lucky? I could never get over the fact that you stayed my friend for all these years. Even when I completely changed. When I dated the hottest girl in school, when I rarely talked to you, and never talked to you in school when all I cared about was popularity. You stayed. When I realised how much of a dickhead I was being, you weren't even upset.

I was dragged out of my thoughts by you waving your hand in my face, attempting to get my attention. I smiled and pulled you into a hug, and you hugged back just as hard. We stayed in that position for a while, just appreciating each other's company. You pulled back slightly, with your hands still on my waist. Mine were resting your biceps. "Jax, c-can, can I try something?" you asked, so innocently. I nodded instantly, curious as to what you wanted to do. "You need to close your eyes... trust me."

I stared at your face with confused eyes - and mind - for a couple of seconds before closing my eyes. My heart felt like it was beating at 100 miles per hour and my mouth had become dry. I heard you take a deep breath before I felt your arms tighten around my waist.  
My breath hitched in my throat as I felt your chest push up against my own. I desperately wanted to open my eyes, but I didn't. Your lips brushed against mine. It felt like I was being kissed by a ghost. Your lips lingered for a second before I felt you slowly pull away. I quickly put my arms around your neck, pulling you fully against my lips. The kiss was magical; I had never experienced anything like it. It was messy yet perfect, rough yet slow, sloppy yet beautiful. Your lips tasted of mint and another unidentifiable taste.

I pulled away ever so slightly and slowly, wondering if I moved anymore I would wake up from this wonderful dream. I opened my eyes to see you smiling and staring back at me. I felt a genuine smile light up my face as I stared into your beautiful eyes. Tears filled up your eyes as you started to speak. You tried to speak for a while before stuttering out three simple yet incredibly powerful words."I love you." 

FLASHBACK OVER

I blinked my tears and ran to my where my car was parked. I struggled with opening the door, my hands shaking making me unable to quickly unlock the car. Screaming in frustration I leant my back on my car door and slid down to the cold wet ground, thinking why it was you and not me. It wasn't fair. Why didn't I see how much you were hurting.

FLASHBACK 

Jackson woke up to his phone buzzing, checking the time and realising it was 3:43 am. Sighing, he opened up his phone to be met with messages from his dumb but lovable boyfriend. All the messages said was that Stiles loved him and he would always love him until the sun died. Jackson smiled before saying that he loved him to the ends of the universe and to get some sleep. Jackson waited for 20 minutes for a reply, and when he didn't receive one he assumed Stiles must have fallen asleep. Jackson turned his phone off before turning back around and going to sleep, ignoring the anxious feeling growing in his stomach.

FLASHBACK OVER

I hate myself for not knowing what was going on. I'm so sorry Stiles, so fucking sorry. You should have never felt that way, maybe if I was a better boyfriend or person or something. Maybe if I asked why you always wore long sleeves, or why you stopped hanging out with Scott, or why you came to school looking like you haven't slept in years, or why every time I went to your house it smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. I so desperately didn't want to push you too far, I didn't even touch you. Maybe, just maybe, if I talked to you more, you would be here right now.  
I ran my hands over my face, before pulling out my phone and pressing the 'message all' button.

FLASHBACK 

Jackson woke up again, this time to his alarm ringing. He opened up his eyes slightly before opening them fully and stretching out his body. He turned his body around turning off his alarm. 10:26 the clock read, god he loved weekends. He then sat up and looked for his phone. He still had that slightly uneasy feeling in his stomach, but he blamed on his upcoming chemistry exam. Even though that was in 2 weeks. He grabbed his phone and waited for it to turn on fully before he got a shit tonne of messages. From many different people. His parents, Lydia, Allison, Scott and John. The fact that he got a message from the Sheriff confused and scared him the most, he put in his passcode and quickly read the messages.  
From: Mom and Dad  
To: Jackson  
Received: 9:34am  
We heard about what happened Jax, please message us if you need too. Remember we love you son xx

From: Lyds  
To: Jax  
Received: 9:05am  
Jax... please call me or Ally or Scott or John or someone. We are worried about you and if you don't reply in the next 30 minutes I am coming over, remember I still have a key!

From: Ally cat  
To: Jacky  
Received: 9:14am  
Please ring me, Lydia, Scott or Sheriff soon Jackson, something has happened and we don't want to say it over messages. As soon as you can Jacky and if you don't have credit come to Scott's.

From: Co-Cap McCall  
To: Co-Cap Whittemore  
Received: 8:45am  
Jackson... I need to talk to you. 

From: Future father-in-law  
To: The one who makes my son happy  
Received: 8:27am  
Jackson, I have tried calling you and I assume that you are asleep. I have some terrible news to share and I need to either call me or come over now, sorry.

Confused and scared Jackson went to call Sheriff before he was interrupted by a knock at his front door. It must have been Lydia. Jackson got out of bed and threw on some dirty pants from the floor before running down the stairs, ignoring the chilly air, and running to open the front door. When he opened it, it was meet with a shocking and sad state. Lydia had her sleep wear on and her hair was up in a messy bun, her cheeks had very noticeable tear stains and her eyes were red and puffy. Lydia looked up to see Jackson confused and concerned face before bursting into tears and running into Jackson's arms, Jackson just hugged her until she calmed down, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and rubbing her back.  
"Lyds... what is going on? You're scaring me" Jackson asked after Lydia had calmed down and removed herself from his grasps. She wiped her face before meeting his gaze,  
"It's Stiles... H-H-He.." She struggled to get out the words, and despite Jackson now very concerned expression and racing heart beat, he told her to take her time and waited for her to talk again.  
"Stiles... he-he-he killed himself, Jax. I'm so sorry..." Lydia had finally managed to mutter the words and as soon as they left her mouth, Jackson wished she had never said anything to begin with. He stared at her for a second with a blank expression on it, slightly scaring Lydia.  
"W-What... No... He didn't... He wouldn't... Lyds.. are you sure.. what happened?... what happened?...LYDIA WHAT HAPPENED? WHY DID HE DO IT? WHY? WHY?" Jackson started talking in mumbles and disbelief before yelling and screaming, Lydia just watched as Jackson screamed she was frozen. She broke out of her state when she heard the last words and watched as Jackson fell down to his knees with a gut-wrenching sob that felt like it ripped out Lydia's and Jackson's heart. Lydia raced forward and wrapped Jackson up in her arms as he muttered 'what happened' over and over again. 

FLASHBACK OVER

Jackson sat on the ground, shakily typing out his message. He re-read over the messages, fixing any spelling mistakes that he might have made. He stood up and pressed the send button before dropping his phone to the ground. Ignoring the buzzing coming from his phone, he walked towards the boot of his car. He opened it and pulled out a medium sized black box. He closed the boot and dropped the keys to the ground. He walked out into the middle of the parking lot, before opening up the black box. It contained a loaded handgun.

FLASHBACK 

The day of the funeral was the worse day of Jackson's life because today is when he knows it is completely real. Every other day he hoped that he would wake up from this nightmare, but it never happened. As he sat in the uncomfortable chair in his all black suit, he studied all of the other people in the building. Next to him was John, he was a wreck. He's hair was messy, he had permanent tear stains, puffy eyes. What else was to be expected? He lost his wife 8 years ago, now his son. How he is still going, no one knows. Next to him is Scott. He doesn't look any better. His shirt is messy, his pants not ironed, his eyes lifeless. He sat there with silent tears falling down his cheeks, Jackson almost missed the red lines on his wrists. Then there was Lydia and Allison, they were holding each other, well more that Allison was holding Lydia. They were messes. Allison looked tired and kept staring at Scott as if he would disappear too. She held tightly onto the sobbing girl in her arms, Jackson noticed how much smaller Lydia had gotten. He could see her collarbones so clearly, he swore that her skin was transparent. Her skin had also gone a light grey colour, no longer having that beautiful glow. He glanced around the room, noticing everyone was miserable. Some people he had never seen before. He even noticed a slightly older man with a beard hanging around at the back, he looked horrible. Jackson had no way to tell if he looked much different to now, but considering that he looked like he was about to fall over and faint, Jackson could tell he didn't sleep. 

FLASHBACK OVER

Jackson took out the gun and dropped the box to the floor. He stared at the gun, he could see his reflection in it. He looked horrible. He had massive bags under his eyes, his cheekbones stuck out and his eyes were lifeless. A couple of tears fell onto the gun, and Jackson quickly wiped them off. He believed that he didn't deserve to be upset, it was his fault after all. Jackson grabbed the gun and pointed it at his head. He closed his eyes and counted down from 10.  
"10"  
"9"  
"8"  
"7"  
"6"  
"5"  
"4" At this point Jackson had his hand slightly pushing down on the trigger.  
"3" He heard a female voice.  
"2" She was screaming stop, but it is too late.  
"I'm sorry"  
BANG!

Lydia stopped dead in her track as she watched Jackson lifeless body hit the floor. She dropped to her knees screaming out in pain, pushing away Allison's and Scott's arms. She curled into a ball and quietly sobbed to herself, this time not caring about Allison and Scott, especially when she felt them shaking with tears.

To: The Pack (Scott, Lydia, and Allison)  
From: Jackson  
Sent: 1:34am  
Seen: 1:35am  
Hey guys...  
I know I haven't talked to you guys today  
Thank you for not really trying to message me  
I just wanted to thank you for everything that you guys have done for me in the past year  
You have helped me more than you may think.  
I love you guys.  
I am so sorry for what you I am going to do, but I can't go on living knowing that Stiles isn't.  
I hope you forgive me.  
I am sorry that you will have to wake up to this.  
But, I going to be at the school car park. So when you read this, you can call someone and I won't be left here until Monday for an unsuspecting student to find me. 

Again, I love you. All of you.  
This isn't any of your faults.  
Stay alive.  
For me.  
And more importantly, for Stiles. 

Love,  
Jax <3


End file.
